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By Kathy Carlton Willis—
Say “Yes” to the Dress. I Found the Gown. If you believe these television shows, the wedding dress is the most important component of the wedding day—making the bride the Queen B (B for Bride!).
Whether you’re 50+ and getting married or helping the youngers plan their nuptial day, consider these rantings, hopefully in time for a matrimonial intervention.
Some girls start dreaming of their gown before they even dream of their groom. They make scrapbooks of their favorite dresses, and look forward to every bride-themed magazine. Their imagination creates a fairytale wedding. Pinterest feeds the monster. Sure it gives you lots of ideas, but it gives you heart palpitations too. Who can handle the stress of comparisons? No one is that perfect, are they? Not to mention the temptation to go to excess, even if it sets back the budgets of the parents and the couple. To me, pinterest perfect goes way past “everyday” perfection. With all that stress and cost, I’m beginning to understand the virtue of elopement!
Well, tell me this. If the bride-to-be and all who love her spend so much effort, time and money to find the perfect gown, then why oh why are we moving toward this new trend. It’s called…
Trash this Dress
Yes, you read it correctly. There’s a whole photo shoot concept for after the wedding where the bride cooks up the perfect way to destroy her dress (while wearing it, of course). It might involve mud. Flames. You name it.
Trash this dress used to be how the mean girls talked about my first-day-of-school dress, and not just behind my back either! They outright taunted me. It was not something I looked forward to, ya’ know? So now we’ve moved it from mean girl tactic to this growing photography fad.
Why in the world, after going to so much trouble to find the perfect gown, would some simply going to destroy it, all for the sake of an extra photo shoot? Just to follow the crowd? Seriously? Have we not grown up at all?
Indulge me while I rant a little bit. (Oh, you thought I was already ranting? You haven’t heard the end of it just yet!)
Marriage is sacred. It’s a union blessed by God. It’s a picture of our relationship with the Groom. It is holy. How in the world does trash this dress portray this beautiful sanctity?
And then there’s the whole stewardship angle. God entrusts us with whatever money we have (and many of us try to extend that with excessive credit). Why spend so much on a dress you will wear once, and then destroy? Just for the sake of a before and after photo op? Really?
You know…back in the day, we used to have fake bouquets we tossed to the single gals after the wedding instead of throwing our real bouquet. How about a “fake” dress to trash that you bought at a resale shop?
Mothers of the brides and grooms, sisters, aunts, brides, I beg of you…rethink this. Make the main thing the main thing. Do you really want to start your marriage trashing anything?
June is often known as Wedding Month. It’s a good time for us to think about how God views marriage. When we keep Him in mind, it helps us curb our hunger to outdo the last wedding we attended. Instead, we create a beautiful bridal sanctuary, befitting the God of our union. Now that’s something you can put on Pinterest!
The church as the bride of Christ
“…just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.”
– Ephesians 5:25b-27 (NLT)
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Kathy Carlton Willis: Kathy writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! As a pastor’s wife, she has plenty of material for her new Grin with Kathy column at MPN. She has four books coming out in the next couple of years: Speaker to Speaker, Grin with Grace, Grin with Joy, and Grin with Peace. She’s affiliated with several Christian writer and speaker organizations and serves as a consultant for others in the publishing industry. Kathy anticipates great things for her 50s (despite the menopause monster), and is pursuing God’s goals with gusto as she dives in to this glorious decade. Kathy’s tagline captures her essence: Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter. Learn more about Kathy at: www.kathycarltonwillis.com/
How sad…I hadn’t heard of “trash the dress” before. It makes the whole day cheap.
Thanks, Sharon! There will always be new trends. I’m not against new ideas to make a person’s wedding special or fun. Just sad that anything to do with a wedding has the concept of trashing it…
Thought I’d give some insight as a professional photographer… There are extreme cases of “trash the dress” that destroy the gown, but the sessions I have done are from a different mindset. Due to the stress of keeping things “perfect” for the wedding day, bride often are afraid to get the most out of their gowns in photos. I have seen some that won’t sit comfortably or walk on unpaved surfaces for fear of soiling their dress while they have the audience of many guests. This and the high pressure timeline of the day often keeps them from getting the photographs that they have admired for so long. I find that trash your dress sessions allow them to get their moneys worth out of that pricey gown that they will never wear again. The commitment is sacred, but the dress is not. If glamourous images of them finally feeling free to brave the elements in their dresses make the day more memorable and a better investment in the attire then I think it enhances the hard work and preparation that was put into styling such an occasion. My brides that choose to do this rarely destroy their dresses, but they get to use backgrounds and locations that pose threats to stain them. But let’s face it…due to the “Say Yes to the Dress” culture that has girls dreaming of amazing dresses, you no longer see girls donning their mother’s dress for sentiment sake. And even in the event of getting re-married it is pretty tacky to wear the same gown. I paid $100 plus to have mine persevered. It would have been more valuable to me to have fantastic artwork of my husband and I created in those clothes than hide them away in a box. Just my perspective, but I also understand Trash Your Dress sessions aren’t for everyone. 🙂
Tonya, thanks for your perspective! I’ve seen some of the photography shoots for “trash this dress” and they are really creative. My biggest problem with “trash this dress” is that the whole idea of wearing a white gown is because it used to represent purity, and seeing photos of a gown purposely stained just somehow stained what it represented too. But that’s just me.
I like that you try to get your brides to relax and enjoy their time and not be so focused on perfection.
As far as my dress: Mom made my dress. It was eyelet material instead of lace. And I did wear it a couple more times for things. But I do realize that’s not the case for most folks. If I were to get married today I’d buy a consignment gown that had already been worn, and I’d sell it back to consignment when finished to let some other bride have her day.
You’re right…what good is a gown in a box? We have our photos to help memorialize the day. Photos…now we’re back to needing a great photographer. I think I know one! 😉
Wow thank you so much for this article.
I had no idea.
I have kept my simple white wedding dress in our bedroom for shine for
32 years with 9 moves including overseas and out of state.
thanks for waking me up of the culture shift! Im going
to be a grandma soon of twins, who I pray are precious and godly!
Thank you so much Kathy..
Sue Caldwell, Houston. friend of Melody Heal and Deb
Sue, my simple eyelet dress I wore on my wedding day has endured 25 addresses in my married life, and I’ve never thought to let it go either. You’re right. It’s a culture shift. We’ve both been married the same amount of years. To me, the best part of the wedding is not the dress, but the marriage!
Hi, Kathy! I am with you on this, but I do appreciate hearing Tonya’s comments on the subject. My conservative nature just can’t understand the idea of destroying something so beautiful. But, even more so, I agree with the trend these days to get so carried away with the pre-parties, pictures, festivities, decorations, food, etc., that the ceremony (vows) itself does not receive appropriate attention. The rest is all fun, but it’s not the real importance of the day. I hope my own daughter will remember that and not be a bridal diva! Thanks, Kathy, for the rant!
Thanks, Hally for your good words!