SIFTING THROUGH THE ASHES

By Sharon Ruff—

As I nervously scanned the faces of the women in my assigned group, I felt like a kindergartner on the first day of school. So this is what it feels like to sit in the participant’s chair rather than the leader’s, I thought to myself. I always felt comfortable and competent as a leader, but now I felt anxious and insecure as a participant.

Since I was a fairly new member of this large church, I thought a good way to get better acquainted would be to attend their emotional healing retreat. No one in this church knew I actually led retreats myself. So, my plan was to simply slip anonymously into the group, take some meaningful notes, and glean some new insights that would help me with the women that I ministered to. I especially wanted to observe our leader’s skills. Where is she? I wondered.

“Oh, sorry I’m late,” she giggled while flopping into her chair. She can’t possibly be our leader, I said to myself with shock and disappointment. I recognized her as the church’s Sunday morning offering lady. What could she know about leading an emotional healing group? While I saw her mouth move, I heard nothing she said. My internal dialogue was shouting, what a waste of my time. Maybe I can slip out during the break. Waiting for my escape, I checked out both mentally and emotionally. I had no intention of returning the next morning.

After getting home, I slid into a steaming bath to unwind and pray to God. “Why did You send me to that group? What was Your purpose?” I slid further down into the water as He unfolded the answers to my questions. Each woman in that group represents a part of your life that you have rejected and walked away from as worthless ashes. I want you to go back, sift through those ashes and look for the gold.

 God was giving me an invitation to revisit some painful seasons of my own life. But as often happens when God speaks to us, I was not ready to hear His words. Even though I was tired, I still made the effort to see if I could discover what God saw in these women that could be a reflection of my own life.

On my right sat the frightened woman frantically clutching her retreat notebook to her chest. To my left was the silent, sad woman in the wheelchair. Finally, across from me was the childish, loud woman who was so excited to be at the retreat. As God spoke to my heart again, I began to feel compassion for each of these women and also for myself.

Remember those times in your life when you felt so vulnerable and exposed? Like you, the woman clutching her notebook is terrified of having her heart wounded again.

Remember those years your own husband was in a wheelchair? You tried to carry his agony, your grief, and your children’s pain.

Remember when you didn’t care what you looked like but were just excited to be alive and ready for the next adventure in life? But you were thrust into adulthood before you were ever a child. As an adult, you were thrust into experiences and responsibilities that were far beyond your capacity to endure. Yet I was with you.

Now, return and have compassion on the wounded

Carry no one’s pain, bring it to Me

It’s not too late, re-capture your child

I didn’t have to take any notes that weekend. God etched His words on my heart from Isaiah 61:3 that says He gives us a crown of beauty for the ashes in our lives. Job, who had suffered the loss of possessions, children, and health, was able to say, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” (Job 23:10 NIV).

 

 

Sharon Ruff: Sharon makes her home in West Michigan near her children and grandchildren. She has been a widow for over a decade after being married for 30 years; fifteen of which were spent caring for her husband who suffered from MS. During those wilderness years of isolation and despair, God gave her hope from Jeremiah 29:11. He also assured her that He would restore the years the locust had eaten. He has since graced her with many opportunities to heal, learn, grow, and serve in women’s ministry through Bible Studies, retreats, conferences and personal ministry. She has also ministered in the Ukraine and Africa at women’s conferences.