by Karen DeArmond Gardner
“I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I can’t write”. Words I thought and said over and over throughout my life. You must understand; I love to sing, and I sing with passion and joy! It turns out though, I really can’t sing, at least not singing that anyone would want to listen to. When I dance I am so graceful, I flow across the stage – in my dreams. Let’s just say there’s no rhythm and no grace flowing across the stage. The beat goes one way and I go the other. Not a pretty sight at all.
As a young girl I kept a diary. “Today I went to school, today I came home from school.” May I say, BORING. I had the desire to write, but the words “I can’t” had taken on a life of their own. Without realizing it “I can’t” became words I used too often, and they gave me the excuse not to try or learn. There is a point when what we think becomes what we believe. Then what we believe become our reality. And my reality said I can’t write.
Now there are some things I can’t do by lack of education, training, gender, size or desire. Play NFL football, perform brain surgery, fly a jet, just to name a few. And let’s not forget about singing and dancing.
As I thought about the words “I can’t” and the power they had in my life, I knew they were words I no longer wanted to speak over myself. In order to undo the damage the words had done I decided to have a better idea of the meaning of the words.
I, me, myself. No one else – only me. The old man…woman in this case, the flesh, my sinful nature. Pick one.
Can’t. Just what does that mean? Looking in the dictionary gave me no direction at all so I looked at ‘can’ and the synonyms are:
Be capable of
Be equal to
Be up to
Be within one’s area
Be within one’s control
Can do
Cut the mustard
Lie in one’s power
Make the grade
Take care of
I like that.
So if I can’t then it means….
I am not capable
I am not equal to…anything
I’m not up to anything
It’s not in my area
It’s out of my control
I can’t do it, whatever it is
I don’t cut the mustard
It’s not in my power
I don’t make the grade
I can’t take care of it
Whoa….really? Yes, really. One word, one small word, changed the course of my life; because I did not attempt, I failed. It’s one thing to fail when you give it your all, but when you don’t even try, that is just wrong on every level. I drew a line in the sand and chose not to step over the line or to even wipe it out for 57 years because I believed “I CAN’T“ (said with a whiny voice).
In September 2007 I was at a ranch in south Texas for 5 ½ days to bask in the Presence of God. I spent a day fasting in the “wilderness” (which by the way is a whole other story). The day was focused on spending time in the Word and completing various exercises or tasks. Being a task oriented person, I was in the mode of checking things off the list. My goal this day was to get done all I needed to do so I could get out of the wilderness ahead of schedule. The wilderness and I are not particularly fond of one another.
Part of the day was spent looking up various scriptures, and as I sometimes do when reading a familiar scripture, I will sc’read (my new word, it means scanning/reading) . Then flick, (you know the moment) when God says “PAY ATTENTION! READ IT…AGAIN! “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.“ His voice: “Say it out loud…again… ” A verse I had memorized and read so many times I no longer paid attention to the actual words and what they meant.
I had no idea how important this verse would be until God decided to destroy the CAN’T in my life and my plans to be done early with the wilderness. One of the day’s exercises I needed to do was to put a puzzle together – with no picture to reference. I looked at this puzzle, (which by the way, did I mention I dislike puzzles? What is the point? You put it together, then what? Take it apart and put it back in the box, it’s not like you are going to frame it and put it on the wall as a piece of art.)
I digress. I looked at the pieces of this puzzle and I see pink and eyes and could that be a hot dog?
My first thought…”I can’t” with actual tears in my eyes.
God had other plans, so what does He do, He brings to mind the verse I just read, one I had read a thousand times, and had long ago memorized, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.“ A verse I threw out to others when they were in a tough spot. A verse that really had no meaning to me until this moment.
I looked back at the puzzle, a jumbled mess of pieces.
Me – “I can’t put this puzzle together. This is going to take forever and I was ahead of schedule and now… ”
God – “Yes you can.”
Start with the corners and edges, so I begin. There it is…I have the frame but what about all these odd shaped pieces that go in the middle?
Me – “I can’t do this.”
God – “Yes, yes you can. You can do all things through me.”
So I begin again and I am putting more and more of the puzzle together. Then it happens again. None of the pieces are fitting together no matter which way I turn them. And yes, I cried. Tears of frustration.
“I can’t do this.” I can, however, throw the puzzle in the river….mmmm, then I have to explain what happened to it.
“I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
Once again, I turn my focus back to the puzzle looking, at every piece, turning each piece every which way to find where it fit. And then it was done. Oh my, I did it! It’s together – minus a couple pieces missing from the box. I looked at the picture – flamingos and a baby. What one had to do with the other, I do not know.
The point is, when I thought I couldn’t, I did. It was not about the puzzle, it was about what I thought. If I think I can’t, then I can’t. FAILURE. If I think I can, then I can. SUCCESS.
Am I willing to change what I think?
So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Romans 8:6 (NLT)
That day marked the beginning of my stepping out of myself into obedience. Whatever the Father asks of me, He will give me the strength to do , if I am obedient and allow the Spirit to control my mind. I called on this verse over and over as I began a new season in my career and in those times I doubted I could do the job, He would remind me “I can do all things through Him”.
At 57 He began asking me to do something I thought was impossible…express myself through words on a page vs. words out of my mouth. To begin to write my story, our story, of all I have walked through, all He has walked me through. I will tell you that it scares me, because it means exposing myself and allowing others to see the mistakes I have made in my life. It is true I can’t do this myself, I can however, do ALL things through Christ, my healer, deliverer and redeemer, who gives me the strength, courage, backbone and might to do what He has asked me to do.
What is it He is asking you to do? Go ahead, stop what you are doing, ask Him, “Father what is it you want me to do that only You can do through me?”
See that wasn’t so hard was it? Tell me…what did He say to you?!
Great article Karen! I’m waiting to hear what the Father wants me to do!
Samye,
Thank you Samye. You are walking out your purpose today. The evidence is your family…you are passing your heritage to your family. You are right He has more for you. Let us know what He says.
How many times my “mind” has echoed that same destructive little word “can’t” — God’s patience, mercy and grace has carried me through a great deal of the “cant’s” and turned them around to “can’s” — loved this article — and YOU INDEED CAN write!
Patty
Patty,
That means so much coming from you. What are we missing because of that word? Good news is that God is a God of do overs – he keeps bringing it back until we get it right!
I feel stirred to share:) Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” I have come to understand that when we delight ourselves in God and His will, God Himself places desires without our hearts that He then sets out to fulfill (See Philippines 2:l3).
For example, when I first seriously surrendered my life to the Lord many years ago now, I was astonished that I began to have other desires than the formerly mainly selfish/self-centered ones I’d had all my life.. I didn’t realize at first the grand new journey that was starting to open up to me now that God was on the throne of my heart. Once I surrendered my life to God, I remembered that He soon introduced my husband and I to a pastor from Haiti whose whole life centered around caring for and giving a Christian education to hundreds and probably thousands of needy children in Haiti and showing them what a true father is. As we listened to Papa Cassy tell us about his work, I was stirred to my core. I blurted out, ‘what can I do to help you?’ (I think I shocked myself with those words – where did THEY come from??.. not my normal way of thinking for sure!!) It was the beginning of a very long and productive new journey for me that continues to this day, over 25 years later; praise His Holy Name. The LORD Himself put in me the desire to help this awesome man of God.. Papa Cassy humbly answered me that he’d appreciate it if I’d collect shoes, clothes, food for the (l00’s of) children he helped… So, I just simply started to collect items.. Over the years, God has led me to tons of people who generously gave useful items, clothes, shoes, food and we filled many 40′ containers and shipped them to Haiti. I learned how to pray and trust the Lord from Papa Cassy’s awesome example…
I honestly was shocked for a long while in the beginning of how totally full of joy I could be filling boxes in our basement of items to help people who I didn’t even know. Overflowing, supernatural JOY. It took me awhile, but I learned that God did indeed put HIS desires in His people and in return, He fills us with His joy. God has taught me many things over the years.. I am still amazed.. His ways are not our ways.. they are BETTER. much much better. I never would have dreamed that this wonderful relationship with Papa Cassy would become a central part of my life for many years and touch so many people – here in the States people would give.. and there in Haiti to meet the needs of the poor. Our God is so amazing, that’s all I can say! His mercies are new every morning. It’s up to us to pause and want to SEE those mercies. It’s easy to miss them if we don’t intentionally quietly sit and listen for Our Father’s voice…
Kathi,
Thank you for sharing your story. You lived out the “I can” and so many were blessed. I love that so many will read of your ‘can do’ heart and release themselves to Father’s voice. I believe that today more then any other time in history Father is calling to women to join together -“Lioness, lift your voice” is the last line of Lisa Bevere’s book Lioness Arising. It is time for us to roar!
Wow! Kathi, that’s exactly the goal of this site. Encouraging one another that God will use us for as long as we will make ourselves available to Him. Thanks for sharing how our words are so powerful – a 25 year ministry was ignited by the words, “what can I do to help you?”.
Great job, can-do lady! A long time ago, I read the book “I can, You can too” and began a journey of erasing can’t out of my vocabulary. Life began to happen and the word and attitude slowly came back into my pattern of speaking and living. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” I cannot do anything on my own strength but I can do all things through His strength. Depending on the Giver of Strength rather than relying on my own inadequacies, real or imagined, makes all the difference in my day. Thank you for the reminder.
Melynda,
Thank you Melynda and you are welcome. “Giver of Strenght” – I like that, it means all I need to do is ask. Perfect.
Great article! When we were at Radiance, God told me to write. I am not and have never been a writer. But I began to write (hence the website my son built for me) and even had an article published that year. Who knew? God! And it is something I cannot “make” happen, it has to be via Holy Spirit and I always know when it is. SO amazing when we are doing things through Him instead of on our own power. Thanks for sharing this, reminded me…. I haven’t updated my website in a while, maybe it’s time to get back to that thing He has me do.
It’s the AVAIALABLE He makes able. Thanks for sharing your experience. It reminds us that the “stepping out and into” the things He’s called us to can bring great results and joy.
Jesi,
Get back to it girl – God has much He wants to say through you. And we want to hear!
That was an amazing story, my friend. I am realizing the power of alllowing other people tell me that I “cant” or “wont”…so I dont. I was never an “I cant” type of person, but life circumstances or obstacles, or even other people’s perceptions…have invaded and weakened a once very strong will. I am taking back my ability to DO all things through Christ….more than I can….I WILL!
By the way, I didnt finish the puzzle. I gave up early on. What God showed me in that exercise what to let Him finish my puzzle…for I was trying too hard. Isnt God cool to speak to us in ways that He knows only WE will understand??
Love you!
Monica we all have times in our lives when we get off track – how great it is that He will get us back on track as soon as we acknowledge where we are. It is good to hear you are back!!
It is so so very amazing how he uses that puzzle. Thank you dear friend. Love you.