by Kathy Carlton Willis—

One of the…ahem…blessings of life 50+ is the occasional need for a “clean out.” Not a ladylike topic to write about, but something we all deal with, so why not at least laugh about it, right? One of the extra services our medical profession gives us prior to some tests and procedures is that special gift they give us at the end of the pre-procedure appointment. They walk into the room with this bag of “Drain-o” and hold it like it’s a precious gift as they present it to us. Then in hushed tones they discuss the process, and encourage us to stay near a bathroom. Yeah, this is funny stuff all right!

I’ve decided I will never like it when I hear the words, clean out. Nope, not gonna’ like it one bit! My aversion for the term started when I was a kid and followed me into adulthood. Maybe you can add to my growing (or groaning) list…

  1. Mom tells you to clean out your toy box. Evidently that means throwing or giving away some of your treasures or selling them at the annual garage sale, to make room for new toys.
  2. When you leave your parents home to live on your own, you find out you have to clean out your fridge or stuff will start to grow. They can invent a self-cleaning oven, but not a fridge that gets rid of rotting food?
  3. Your soon-to-be-ex-boss brings a box into your office and says you need to clean out your desk and he’ll walk you to your car. Do not pass go. Definitely do not collect $200.
  4. You have just 24 hours to clean out your house to hand it back in to the landlord, or lose your deposit.
  5. Your bank informs you that your identity has been stolen and they cleaned out your account.
  6. Your doctor says she needs to clean out your abscess, while you’re awake.
  7. Your whole body scan requires a clean out. (AKA two double-doses of laxatives.) Don’t plumbers clean out the plumbing? Yeah, pretty similar. Only I’m pretty sure pipes don’t cramp!

When prepping for a recent procedure, my friends decided I needed a little clean-out humor. Here are few of their punny notes:

“You poor girl. I don’t like those laxative cocktails and the uncomfortable consequences either. I pray that everything goes smoothly…oops…poor word choice…and that tomorrow’s scan is all good news for you. Thinking of you and praying for you, Kathy. This too shall pass. (oops!)”

“After the body clean out comes the toilet clean out. Then the plumber usually comes to complete the clean out. Then you discover the doctor will clean out your wallet!”

“So, tonight you clean out a bit (I’m so sorry!). I hope everything (forgive me!) comes out all right.”

Yeah, you guessed it. My friends are as funny as me. Or not. But one thing I can say with certainty, when it comes to friendships I’m clean full (as my Granny used to say), not cleaned out! And when it comes to my relationship with the Lord, He fills all the empty spaces and makes me feel whole again. Now that’s my kind of procedure!

 

 

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Kathy Carlton Willis: Kathy writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! As a pastor’s wife, she has plenty of material for her new Grin with Kathy column at MPN. She has four books coming out in the next couple of years: Speaker to SpeakerGrin with GraceGrin with Joy, and Grin with Peace. She’s affiliated with several Christian writer and speaker organizations and serves as a consultant for others in the publishing industry. Kathy anticipates great things for her 50s (despite the menopause monster), and is pursuing God’s goals with gusto as she dives in to this glorious decade. Kathy’s tagline captures her essence: Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter. Learn more about Kathy at: www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

2 Comments

  1. 9-1-2014

    Thanks for the giggle this morning Kathy. 🙂

    • 9-1-2014

      This article started as a silly discussion on facebook a couple of months ago, and then I realized a bunch of us 50+ folks could relate to the humor of this topic. One way to dispel fear or discomfort of awkward conversations (like this topic) is to laugh about it!

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