By Mona Shriver—

“Where are we?”

My mother’s voice broke through my thoughts and I tried to keep my voice even and not reveal the frustration that came when she asked the same question for what seemed like the hundredth time. “We’re on our way home from Portland.”

“Why did we go to Portland?”

Here we go again.

We’re weary. I can see it in my mother’s face and hear it in her voice. And I can feel it deep within me. We made the journey for a family reunion. But it had been a long five days for all of us.

I thought again that this would probably be the last trip for Mom. I realized that the effort traveling required of her had now become greater than the enjoyment. She’d been less a participant and there had been fewer smiles this time. Not so unlike her life in general these days. She grew quiet. As did I. These conversations were now normal for us. My mother’s Alzheimer’s had robbed her of much of her memory. And what she did remember was often rewritten history.

Her voice broke the silence again. “So you’re taking care of me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I suppose I should know who you are if you’re kind enough to take care of me.”

Oh, Mom. This was new yet not surprising. She normally knew I was a family member. Funny, I’d thought when the time came that she wouldn’t know me, it would hurt more. Now it seemed just another verse of the same song. “I’m your oldest daughter, Mona.”

“You’re my daughter?” I could hear the surprise in her voice. “You’d think I’d know my own daughter.”

The tone in her voice disclosed her own frustration and reminded me of my mom before the Alzheimer’s. Mother daughter relationships are so convoluted but this woman now pulled at my heart with her vulnerability and I was learning to love her in a whole new way.

“That’s ok Mom. You’re safe and everything is fine. You don’t have to worry.”

I do not want my mother to be afraid.

This journey is not one any of us would have chosen. But it is not one without joy. Mom makes us laugh. One evening my husband was walking through the kitchen carrying a laundry basked. Mom had turned to me and said, “He’s such a nice man. How long has he worked for you?”

We have been blessed to care for Mom—there was a time when I had thought that could never be possible. And I believe Mom is blessed to be able to be cared for by her children. When I look at her and think how much of her is gone, God reminds me life is precious. No matter how much or how little. I’m reminded that she cared for me when I was much like she is now. Does it really matter that my life lay before me and hers is behind her?

I Corinthians 12:22-26 (NLT)

In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.

 

 

 

Mona Shriver: Mona Shriver worked as an emergency room nurse until the Lord called her out of that profession and into ministry. She is a Precept trained Bible teacher, has been active in women’s ministries, and speaks at special events and retreats. She serves her local church body in central California.

Mona has been married to Gary since 1974 and they have 3 grown sons. She and Gary co-founded Hope & Healing Ministries Inc. www.hopeandhealing.us which provides support and resources for couples in adultery recovery. They co-authored the book: Unfaithful, Hope and Healing after Infidelity. Learn more at Website: http://www.hopeandhealing.us

5 Comments

  1. 8-11-2014

    Oh, my friend. Your post tugged at my heart in so many ways. I know I will soon face the decline of my parents and grandmother. I already see it in different ways. And it is SO easy to get frustrated. Thank you for reminding me about true love today. Bless you.

  2. 8-11-2014

    Thank you for sharing this story. We are in this journey of Alzheimer’s with my mother also. She is such a blessing and a delight. I love her so much and we have had some wonderful times while on this journey. On a little trip we took last June back to a place in time that she holds very dear I was reminded by her that “this is the best day of my life.” Our trip brought healing into my heart and her’s also I’m sure. We visited my dad and his wife of nearing 40 years. She did not know him but her sweet tender spirit was evident as she knelt before him, often hugged him, and kissed him as we were departing. The abuse she suffered by his hands was ‘water under the bridge’, always had been for her. Like Jesus she had forgiven and loved inspite of. I am blessed to have seen her best day.

  3. 8-11-2014

    Thank you for sharing. It’s not easy watching my Mom who was once so independent becoming dependent on us…but we’ve been given the privilege to help her.

  4. 8-11-2014

    Mona, my heart was tugged by your article. Thank you for sharing this. I’m heading home to see my own mom this week, so it gives me lots to think about. What does the future hold? I may not know…but I know Who holds the future! Sending lots of love and prayers your way.

  5. 8-11-2014

    Thank you Mona for the loving kindness you are giving your mom.

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