By Jesi Steiber—

Sniffles could be heard around the room as she shared her heart. Tears welled in her eyes, and the words were softly spoken. She shared her life with this small group of women. She had cautiously opened her heart and let her testimony of a difficult past come alive with her words. Being transparent wasn’t easy, but it was the time and this was the place.

I spent years of my life walking away from relationships with women. It was easier to turn my back than to attempt to maintain ties with women who were dramatic, emotional, hormonal and down right mean at times. I’d spent enough years in business to know men were much easier to deal with. They would tell me what was on their mind and they didn’t have time for emotional and useless drama. Next to my husband, most of my friends were men. I often admitted I didn’t have the time or patience for women and their games. It wasn’t worth it and certainly was a waste of time.

It would be a lie, however, to say I didn’t yearn to be included. As I began to grow in my walk with the Lord, I watched from a distance as women I knew were having a Girl’s Night Out, or movie nights or weekend trips away. It was exciting to think of having real female friends who would laugh and maybe even cry with me. But my heart was hardened in that area. Past hurts left me in fear of the pain I believed inevitable in relationships with other women. I was sure they would all end up regretting their time together when the truth came out of who they really were.

As my heart continued to long for what was so evident on social media or as I watched from a distance across the restaurant, I began to pray. I prayed for those women, who would love me unconditionally and would see my heart beyond the brokenness. I had experienced the miracles God gave us in the past, but I wasn’t completely sold on the idea a healthy relationship with a group of women was possible. At least not for me.

It wasn’t until I was in the midst of amazing women, laughing and crying and sitting quietly as we all pondered life together, that I even began to realize the miracle God had blessed me with. I looked around the room one day, and understood the dynamics of my friendships were changing and it was looking pretty good! As I sat in awe of what was nothing short of a miracle, I had a revelation of what had changed.

When Jesus chose the disciples, he hand picked men he knew would be his closest friends. They were far from perfect and certainly had failures along the way. But Jesus knew these men, he loved them and he was confident they would spread his father’s love for all mankind. Jesus saw something in these men others could not. He could have appointed anyone, yet he chose the twelve that would walk with him side by side.

As God began to bring women in to my life I wanted to resist. My heart wanted to hide and draw away in to the safety of my home. But I began to step out and it wasn’t just anyone who would become one of my closest friends. I realized I was much more intentional with who became a part of my inner circle. What changed wasn’t the fact I was spending more time with women, it was the women I chose to spend time with that made the difference. They make me laugh, challenge me and remind me of what a friend looks like. When I think of those I am honored to call friend, I am beyond thankful for the blessings I receive because I heard God. I have been obedient and have followed the example of Jesus.

As I sit with my friends and share my story, tears fill my eyes. They are not tears of my past hurts, but tears of joy for the women who love me for who I am. It wasn’t easy and it took courage to bring me to this place. God brought courage to me through a friend who pursued me, and I am forever thankful.

 

 

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Jesi Steiber lives in Fort Worth, Texas and is our newest addition to the MPN authors. She is married to a man she describes as “awesome,” who makes her smile every day. They have four children and four grandchildren. A favorite scripture is Ruth 3:11: “Now my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask. For all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence.”

 

8 Comments

  1. 4-16-2014

    Beautiful. It is what our heart longs for…relationship, friendship, people to do life with.

    • 4-21-2014

      Thank you Karen! It’s been a good experience for me to learn!

  2. 4-16-2014

    So much of what you wrote describes my journey, as well. After a corporate career in NYC for 20 years, it was an adjustment for me to develop female friendships. But I’m glad I did because they have blessed me!

    • 4-21-2014

      Thank you, Ava! I love the connection, and I’m also so very blessed!

  3. 4-18-2014

    Jesi, my prayer partner and I read through this post last night. She read it out loud and we both cried our eyes out. -SOOOOO timely and true. She and I (along with a few other women) met one another through Grief Share in 2012. We had ALL suffered death and through that, God brought us into one another’s lives. Miraculous. All of us will be gathering together in a few weeks and we are going to share this post at that gathering. BLESS YOU.

    • 4-21-2014

      Penny,

      I’m so touched by your comment! I love when God uses my words to touch others and this just brings me to tears as well. I love when God moves, and will pray this touches those you share it with! Thank you so much!!

  4. 4-21-2014

    My eyes are leaking, big time. I, too, now have the courage to be intentional in who I seek out. I wish so many of them weren’t so far away!!! I love you, friend!

  5. 4-21-2014

    Jesi, this was said perfectly! For years I longed for those “sisterhood” friendships. Slowly, one by one my Father has brought those in my life and it is amazing! Thank you for putting in words, so many women’s deep need…friendship

Leave a Comment